Comedic Politicians

Let the November 2006 Comedy Begin

Socrates in long white robe was conducting a101 training session for the budding politicians.

If you want to win in never stop talking. Talk while awake, in sleep, on radio and TV, on internet, at shops, on road corners, on subways, at funerals, at inaugurations and even in the bathrooms if need be. The candidates must put up a great circus or they will not win.

Candidates must find babies to kiss. They must espouse the kid’s education, small classrooms and affordable childcare.

They must eat all kinds of food with their voters. They may also visit fire houses to share their meals.

They must wear flashy sneakers and walk in parades even if they do not know the reasons for it.

They must bombard constituents with brochures filled with colorful diagrams of their immeasurable performances and wild pledges to build roads, bridges and libraries.

They must feel amused when Limbaugh, Hannity, John Stewart, Leno or Letterman caricature them and make fun of them

If you are already in office and want to get elected again do not think about any budgetary constraints and promise everything you can. Have a coterie of hangers on, they look good on you.

You must establish a future pipeline to donors by convincing them that your election will bring them economic benefits and sometimes other advantages.

And if none of the above works, yell at your interviewer and dig deep for dirt on your opponent.

My trance was broken when Socrates fluttered his wings and flew back to heaven leaving me with a candidate who was violently shaking my hand and trying to kiss my cheek.